There is nothing wrong with a single mom putting her own picture online at an internet dating site like doublelist; however, there is a problem with a woman using a photo of herself with her kids. This could put her kids at risk. Online dating is fun, but girls must follow common-sense rules.
Online Dating Forum
While doing research for this article, an interesting dating-site forum popped up. The first poster was “Michael”. Here are some snippets of conversation from Michael’s post (at the online dating forum):
“One thing I’ve noticed that bothers me, is the photographs I see…showing kids in profiles? … Look at the world we live in and all the c*** that’s going on. And (to put children on the internet) loaded with who knows what kind of people, is nuts. In fact, I believe it should be against the rules for safety reasons.”
Michael’s advice seems quite reasonable (although others attacked him later in the thread). Michael’s post continues:
“Please think (and don’t endanger) your child, by placing a photo, location indicators, or information about them in profiles…And, until you meet, date, and trust someone, never, ever, should you allow anything at all about your kids to be known to strangers.”
At the bottom of this page (in Resources), I’ve added a link for the whole dialogue. I am not endorsing that dating site, or any other dating site. However, the forum conversation might be fascinating for single mothers who are dating.
Single Moms on the Internet
Why do single mothers need to be cautious about letting the world know that they are great mothers with fabulous kids?
Most men on dating sites are just lonely, divorced guys who are looking for a relationship and/or “a good time” with a nice lady. However, there are a few creepy pedophiles in this world. And, posting photos of underage children might attract one of those creeps.
Pedophiles Are Good At Conning You
It is quite common for a pedophile to target the mother of prepubescent children. A pedophile’s goal is to marry the mother and, as a stepfather or live-in boyfriend, he hopes to gain easy access to his new stepdaughter or stepson. This type of man often seems like the perfect, caring father. He will love spending time with a child and may offer to babysit while mom takes a girls’ vacation or visits her sick sister.
Of course, many good men will offer to do the same things. There is no reason to become overly paranoid. However, some men go online looking for pictures of children who are their “type”. And, by not posting a child’s photo, a woman will weed out that sort of predatory pedophile. So, follow common sense.
Single Moms Dating
Because a dating profile can be seen by all kinds of men from New Zealand to New York (and sometimes guys in prison), safety is important. Anonymity is the key to online safety. When a woman is first getting to know a man, she should never tell him where she lives or works, and should not tell him her last name, phone number, etc.
- Online dating is safe when a woman has control. If a woman controls what a man knows about her, she has the upper hand. And, she can always break off contact with him for any reason.
- Even if a man is not a stalker, there are many “nice” men online who are a bit weird, wacky, or boring. No woman will want these guys to call her all the time. And, some lonely men can get quite obsessed.
Online Dating Profile Tips
When a woman is writing her online dating bio, specific details about her life are unnecessary. A strange man does not need to know what school her kids go to, how long she has been dating, or how much money she makes.
Actually, a man does not need to know much about a woman or her children at all. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to say that she has children “but they don’t live with her”. That way:
- She won’t attract any potential pedophiles.
- She is being honest about having children.
- She can explain details, later, if she feels comfortable with the man.
Don’t keep the children a secret. If a man seems okay on a first date, then it’s okay to let him know where the kids really live. But, be prepared: Some men are looking for a woman with no kids at home. If a handsome man walks away, that’s life.
It is much more important to keep one’s children from getting hurt than it is to find a nice boyfriend. It’s a matter of priorities.